In the 12th century myth Tristan and Iseult (a precursor to Romeo and Juliet), the King of Ireland demands Cornwall pay a a devastating tribute of 300 youths and 300 maidens. In opposition, King Mark of Cornwall refuses to pay for 15 years. As tension mounts, mighty Ireland sends The Morholt, the giant brother of the Irish Sorceress Queen, to collect the tribute.
When The Morholt arrives in Cornwall, he demands trial by combat, allowing God to settle the dispute. Tristan, the myth’s hero, fights and slays The Morholt, but is mortally wounded by a poisoned barb in battle. As he nears the threshold of death, it is clear no one in Cornwall can offer a cure.
To live, Tristan must cross the sea to Ireland and find the Sorceress Queen, as it is her poison that is killing him. The one who holds the cure is the one who wants him dead, as he has slain her brother. Tristan sets off in a small boat, alone. Leaving his sword in Cornwall, he brings only his harp.
Myths
This myth is depicted beautifully in Robert Johnson’s We1 . It is a “man’s myth” that portrays the great wound of the Western Psyche, men unconsciously searching for their lost feminine side. Cornwall has no Queen, representing the disorder imposed by unrestrained patriarchal forces and repression of femininity. Tristan must seek the cure in the very place he dreads.
“A myth is something that is true on the inside, but not true on the outside” - anecdote from Robert Johnson’s We
Dance
Why did you become a dancer?
Fun social hobby less physically destructive than other favorites
Beautiful women dance as well
You can’t be mad and dance at the same time
I enjoy learning complex motor skills
Leading and following has many parallels to life
I hate this answer. It feels wrong. It’s the rational answer.
Whats the real answer?
I don’t know. I don’t have words. It stirs my soul.
Software
Why did you become a software engineer?
Barrier to entry: Low
Time required to be job ready: Relatively low
Formal education required: No
Access to information: free or nearly free
Lifestyle/ Freedom: Strong
Other: I enjoyed physics and jiu jitsu which seemed algorithmic in nature
Meritocracy: Yes
Feedback structure: Rapid
Open to non-traditional backgrounds: Yes
Training mimics the real thing: Yes
Earnings: Good
Worthwhile upon failure: Yes
All the above are true, but incomplete.
In the Spring of 2018, I read a book called Deep Work by Cal Newport. There was a story about Jason who retrained as a software engineer using the distraction free, focused state the book espouses. By routinely working in a quiet room, using solely a pen, paper and textbook (not even a computer), he was able to fast track the skill acquisition phase and land a new career.
I loved this story, but soon forgot it as I moved on a to Post-Bacc Program (med school prep bootcamp) a month later.
In 2020, giving up formal education for good, I took the same route as Jason. I’d forgotten the story, my subconscious had not.
I re-read Deep Work in 2023, re-discovering the story. I became a software engineer because the journey stirred my soul at the time. That’s the real answer.
Chronic Pain
In my late-teens/ early 20’s, I experienced a 5 year period of progressive and agonizing chronic pain. Nearly 20 years later, friends, relatives and acquaintances who knew me at the time will ask…
Did they ever figure out what was wrong with you?
I was on long-term antibiotics. For mild-moderate acne! It was borderline criminal. Nowadays, I would only consider antibiotics on my deathbed. It undoubtedly fried my gut-microbiome, leading to loss of feed-forward core/abdominal and pelvic stability which removed the stable base needed for a quad to be a quad. My quads could not function as nature intended, thus my knees could not handle the workload of a football player in training. Play out the psychosocial effects for 5 years and chronic knee pain grew into a widespread monster.
Gut dysfunction → Core/Pelvic dysfunction → Quads have no anchor → Joint stress → Knees hurt → Chaos ensues → Monster you can’t escape from
Again, something is missing.
An athlete ruptures a disc while training jiu jitsu. Why?
They sat for three hours during a long drive and there disc began to bulge beyond it’s normal realm. This left them vulnerable to a rapid and forceful bending and twisting stressor that came later in the day while under fatigue?
OR
There lifestyle was unmanageable. Dependence on obsessive training for emotional regulation was not sustainable. There body found the only way possible to stop them from continuing a unmanageable lifestyle.
Which one is correct?
Circling back to my chronic pain story above, I think a great deal about this feeling wheel.
What if someone’s upbringing is so emotionally blunted that this wheel becomes constipated? If your strategy is to stuff down, blunt or repress any negative emotion, perhaps your being has no other way to get through to you than “pain”.
“If we learned to live in the feminine in a more conscious way, the sales of aspirin would drop dramatically” - Robert Johnson
King Warrior Magician Lover
Robert Moore, another Jungian Jedi, outlines the 4 masculine archetypes that unite to form a developed man in King, Warrior, Magician, Lover. My upbringing heavily favored the Warrior and Magician. The Warrior embodies action, duty and discipline. The Magician represents logic, planning, wisdom and detachment.
These archetypes happen to be the two that are emotionless.
The King represents order, responsibility, leadership and generativity.
The Lover channels passion, creativity, spirituality and inspiration from beauty.
They are not optional. This is a committee meeting where everyone needs a seat at the table and an opportunity to speak. If you banish one from the meeting, they’ll find a way to sabotage you and meet there needs at the expense of the others. I’d rather have a team that combines unique capabilities and works together as opposed to one with superstars, jealousy and drama that undermines their potential.
When I say my answers above feel unsatisfactory, it’s because the Warrior and Magician have dominated the committee meeting for a long time.
How would The Lover answer? There are no words, it stirs my soul.
If you allow a Queen to take her rightful place in Cornwall from the outset, you won’t have to venture to Ireland for the Sorceress’ cure.
Should something “feel off” in the stories you tell, perhaps you are searching in the wrong place. The one who holds the cure might be the one you dread the most.
Johnson, R. A. (1983). We: understanding the psychology of romantic love. First HarperCollins paperback edition. HarperOne.