Embracing the point of no return
Finding Purpose...
Frodo:
There'll be none left for the return journey.
Sam:
I don't think there will be a return journey, Mr. Frodo.
My body is rigid, housing a mind that’s racing. Breathe. I peer across the table at my date, unable to think and make eye contact at the same time. It’s 2022 in Charlottesville, VA. I have little dating experience at this time. We discuss the usual topics: travel, hobbies, family, career. I’m one year into my career as a software engineer, having just interviewed and begun my second job. This date happens to feel like another interview…
“Do you think you’ll ever go back and be a PT again?”, she asks.
That’s my trigger…
“No…No…No…. I’m not even giving myself the option. My license expires in a few months. I’m not renewing. I’ve passed the point of no return. Burn the ships!!!”
“Wow….. that was intense”, she exclaimed.
Somehow I think her sour demeanor wasn’t solely from her beer.
“If fate doesn't make you laugh, then you just don't get the joke.” - Shantaram
Points of no return
Should you find your gaze striking against a point of no return, be grateful. Rather than 100 ice cream flavors, you have one. Your mind is free to live. Points of no return emerge under 2 circumstances.
When you no longer have a choice
When you can’t unsee what you’ve seen
You’ve left the nebulous world of the lukewarm and chosen hot or cold.
So because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will vomit you out of My mouth - Revelation 3:16
When you no longer have a choice
Burn the ships refers to the bold tactic of Hernán Cortés while upon the coast of the Aztec Empire (present day Mexico)1. Cortez defied Diego Velázquez, governor of the Spanish colony Cuba, by choosing to press on with his expedition, explore and conquer. Sending a message that squashed any notions of mutiny or defecting, he burned his fleet of ships along the coast. Love him or hate him, his choice was clear. Alternatives sunk with the ships. Order within chaos. No choice.
Spirituality
I realize believing in God from a spiritual perspective is a dicey subject. From my standpoint, there is no logic in partial belief. Whoever your God may be, even the God of Reason, you either have faith or you don’t. I chose to believe in God because I don’t have a choice. No choice.
Job Turmoil
It took me until my early/mid 30’s to hold a job beyond one year. Despite the turbulence, I look back on every decision with no regret. It always came down to a dilemma where the workplace conflicted with my personal values. You either chose to honor your values or not. If you make decisions that honor your values, you rarely regret that choice. There is no fear because there is no choice.
Purpose
This is a tough one. We aren’t gifted notecard with our purpose succinctly laid out before us. Purpose can be multifaceted and dynamic. I do think that the better we get to know our unobstructed selves, there clearer it becomes. Once it’s clear, there’s no turning back. No choice.
“Once you get into the desert, there’s no going back” said the camel driver.
“And when you can’t go back, you have to worry only about the best way of moving forward”
-The Alchemist
When you can’t unsee what you’ve seen
In Greek mythology, the mortal yet extraordinary princess Psyche stokes the jealousy of the goddess Aphrodite as her beauty and grace are a threat to her reign. No one dares ask for Psyche’s hand in marriage as she is intimidating, untouchable and thus profoundly lonely. Out of despair, Psyche’s father consults an oracle, who is possessed by Aphrodite. Aphrodite pressures the oracle into decrying a terrible prophecy. Psyche is to be married to Death.
To further her plot, Aphrodite calls upon her son Eros (Cupid) to intensify Psyche’s love for Death by piercing her heart with an arrow, sealing her fate. The plan backfires as Eros is stunned by Psyche’s striking beauty and accidentally pricks his finger with one of his own arrows, hence falling in love with Psyche. Ultimately, they enter the Valley of Paradise, Heaven on Earth. But there’s a catch.
Eros insists that Psyche never gaze upon his face or inquire into his actions, as he is a god. They continue in harmony. But, as is always the case in paradise, there is a snake lurking. Psyche’s ordinary, jealous sisters sow seeds of deception, convincing her that Eros is a monstrous creature, a serpent that will devour both her and her future child.
She eventually caves to temptation. While Eros is sleeping, she plans to gaze upon him for the first time and decapitate him if he is what she now suspects. With the light of an oil lamp and a knife at her side, she discovers his true beauty. Shocked, she trembles, spilling a drop of hot oil from the lamp onto his shoulder, wounding him.
This breech of trust causes Eros to flee. Psyche attempts to grasp onto him, but is only carried away from the Valley of Paradise as a result. Paradise is lost.
Psyche encounters numerous trials and sufferings in an effort to win Eros back.
She cannot unsee, she can only move forward along the path chosen.2
Nutrition
After experiencing severe health issues in my late teens/early 20’s, I dramatically improved my eating habits in an effort to get out of pain. Once I felt the profound difference in mood, cognition and vitality, there was no turning back. But, previous daily options like pasta were no longer options. Eliminating a food meant I became substantially more sensitive to it than before. A few consistent doses would wreck me into oblivion. I gained but also lost. I can’t unsee.
Alcohol
Two years ago, I started going to social events on a near nightly basis as part of a drive to explore a long neglected part of my life. I’d typically have one alcoholic drink as a lubricant. It didn’t take long to realize drinking alcohol 5-6 nights/week is a bad idea. Over a few months, I switched to non-alcoholic options on 99% of occasions. My health is better and my tolerance is substantially worse. If I choose to drink alcohol now, I consciously choose to sleep terribly. I can’t unsee.
Dance
When I started swing dancing, I realized the best dancers never come to group classes. It made no sense. When do they practice? The reality is, they don’t go to classes that don’t help them. Once you reach a certain level, specific, intentional practice whether in front of a mirror, with a dance partner or with an instructor is far more effective. You can’t unsee.
Jiu Jitsu
In Jiu Jitsu, once you start intentionally drilling and positionally sparing with a training partner, you can’t attend most group classes anymore. Like dance, it becomes a waste of time. Once you have the basics, working a specific technique or concept with purpose will outperform a random technique in a room full of random training partners any day. You can’t unsee.
Back Surgery
I had a severe back injury 4 years ago that sidelined me from most of life for 9-12 months. No back surgery. There are a small subset of back surgeries with positive outcomes3. However, in most cases, I’d struggle to consider it on my death bed. As a PT, you see all the failed back surgeries. You realize that in many case the attempted cure was worse than the disease. You can’t unsee.
Chronic Pain
If you’ve experienced chronic pain, with no known cause or solution, then you’ll relate to the suffering, fear, and loneliness that comes along for the ride. I’ve escaped, and often vowed to never return. I’ll never wind up back there. I know too much, my lifestyle’s resilient.
Of course I wound up back there.
I can’t unsee that experience. Rather than ruminating daily on whether I’ll wind up back there, I’m choosing to see it as a gift. In fact, it’s one of the greatest gifts I’ve been given.
If you struggle to find purpose, look to your pain…
Joy and Sorrow
In the myth above about Psyche and Eros, Psyche feels both joy and sorrow when she is swept away to Paradise with Eros. It’s complicated. I find that significant. In each instance above, a part of me feels somber considering a past paradise that has been ruined or lost. That sorrow sets the stage for the focus, potential and joy of the path that’s been laid before me because turning back is no longer an option.
I want to point out that Burning the Ships was far from an original idea as the time. This is a 14th century story. As detailed in We: Understanding the Psychology of Romantic Love by Robert Johnson, the myth of Tristan and Iseult of the 12th century details a similar tactic when Tristan battles The Morholt.
Johnson, R.. She: Understanding feminine psychology. Harper Perennial. 1989
Dowling TJ, Munakomi S, Dowling TJ. Microdiscectomy. [Updated 2023 Aug 13]. In: StatPearls [Internet]. Treasure Island (FL): StatPearls Publishing; 2025 Jan-. Available from: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK555984/